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Second Place

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Did you ever come across a personal article or story and just get completely absorbed into both the actual content, as well as the resulting feedback and commentary?

In this age of internet over-sharing, there are always new viral posts that pop up on our screens, but honestly, very few have any impact me. Generally, I give it a quick read through, chuckle if it’s satirical or funny, cry if it’s sentimental and then move on.

Yesterday afternoon, that all changed.

The article title seemed entertaining enough: How Breastfeeding Ruined My Body

(You can read the full article HERE.)

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In case you don’t want to click over, I’ll give you a quick debrief:

A woman had a baby.
She committed to breastfeeding her baby for a year!
She claims that as a result of breastfeeding, her body changed — specifically her boobs.
She feels that the one thing that was integral to her pre-baby identity was taken from her.
She feels sadness and regret.
She shared her honest feelings with the public.

Now, as a mother twice-over, I get it. I get where she is coming from. You are You before the baby, and you are You after the baby. The before-You and after-You are very different people both psychologically, and in many cases physically.

Such is life, right?

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What I don’t understand is the disgusting hate and vitriol being spewed at this woman in commentary on Facebook about what kind of person and mother she is — the count is at 124 comments last I checked. She is accused of influencing women not to breastfeed, of not loving her child, and of being an ingrate and not appreciative of her “blessed” motherhood role. People were calling the author selfish, vain, an idiot, dumb, mental… even a  C U Next Tuesday!

Why?!

Well, simply because her opinions and feelings about womanhood and motherhood did not align with their own… and she missed her perky boobs.

As I read through the hateful commentary, I couldn’t help but wonder (in my best Carrie Bradshaw voice):

Once we become mothers, are we destined to a life of second place?

Should our feelings and core needs now get indefinitely pushed behind those of the beautiful humans we bring into the world?

My children are my universe. My heart. My life. Yet, based on some of the comments I read, I am a bad mother and a poor example of a modern female because I occasionally miss the woman I was before my babies came into my life.

Things change — whether that’s the result of pregnancy, breastfeeding, age, gravity, whatever… my physicality is important to me. When I look my best, I feel my best — being a mother doesn’t change that. When I feel my best, I am the best version of me and the best entrepreneur, wife, mother and friend. The best me would never tear another woman down or call her names for her personal feelings on a personal topic that truly has no direct impact on anyone but her. Hopefully, my children learn the importance of kindness, self-respect, determination, ambition and hard work from this best me.

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I’m not quite sure why this article resonated with me so much, but I’m glad I read it. If anything, it confirms that there are many people out there that feel as though they need to validate their own choices by disparaging others. Perhaps they are unknowingly still searching for their heart’s delight…

I’m grateful that I found mine and I can share it with those I love most.

XOXO-signature

P.S. — I know today’s post is a departure from the usual THD agenda, but I created this website and business as a personal outlet and form of creative expression to address things that were on my mind, in my heart… and yes, in my closet! What are YOUR thoughts? Would you like to see more of this type of social dialogue on here? Let me know… 

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12 Comments

  • Reply Jen May 18, 2016 at 8:36 am

    While I’m not a mother myself to have a personal opinion on today’s topic, I do appreciate your honesty and support of other’s authenticity. I always enjoy your posts no matter if they are related to style or what your heart feels!

    • Reply scompiseno May 19, 2016 at 9:45 am

      Hi Jen! Thanks so much for your feedback — it truly means a lot to me. I think the article my post was based on got me so riled up because women were so quick to judge and tear down another woman who simply felt differently about a personal topic. I want THD to become a community where we all feel comfortable and free to share our thoughts and opinions and perhaps learn a little something from each other along the way. I couldn’t do it without you <3 xo, Stella

  • Reply Desiree May 18, 2016 at 8:45 am

    Long time reader; but not much of an online commenter. I just wanted to say I loved this. Thanks for sharing <3s

    • Reply scompiseno May 19, 2016 at 9:43 am

      Hi Desiree! I really appreciate you taking the time to comment… I want my readers/clients to feel comfortable and confident at THD, and if that sometimes means taking a break from the usual fashion/style dialogue, I’m happy to do it! This has become such a positive community of women (and occasionally a guy or two!) — I couldn’t do it without you. xo, Stella

  • Reply Dina May 18, 2016 at 6:27 pm

    So proud of you my child. Your writing really touched my heart. Love you.

    • Reply scompiseno May 19, 2016 at 9:46 am

      love ‘ya mom (a.k.a. my biggest fan) xo, Stella

  • Reply Susan May 18, 2016 at 9:36 pm

    Long time reader also. You spoke from your heart. Bravo Stella

    • Reply scompiseno May 19, 2016 at 9:40 am

      Hi Susan, Thanks so much for the kind comment. I love fashion/style as much as the next person (possibly more!) but it’s sometimes nice to the a break and get a bit more serious. Glad you like the post! XO, Stella

  • Reply Rosie May 18, 2016 at 10:22 pm

    Love this. Totally agree.
    And I miss my pre two baby body.

    • Reply scompiseno May 19, 2016 at 9:39 am

      Thanks Rosie! I miss YOU! By the way, you look fantastic even AFTER 2 babies. <3 XO, Stella

  • Reply Michelle hopkins June 2, 2016 at 12:49 pm

    Love this Stella! Negativity can do so much harm to others and ourselves:(! I miss my pre-twins abs. My bikini days are over! I wouldn’t trade it but I do miss them!

    • Reply scompiseno June 2, 2016 at 3:20 pm

      Thanks Michelle– glad you enjoyed! I just hope women realize that it’s 100% OK to feel that way WITHOUT people calling us bad moms or selfish for missing a part of our pre-motherhood selves. My kids are my “everything,” but not necessarily everything (if that makes any sense?!). xo, Stella

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